Keep dreaming

 I was not even thinking about it when i went to sleep

Double lines! It was beautiful. But I was scared. I think in reality I will be ecstatic 

Yes I too get tired

 Some days are like this

It doesn’t happen often but it does happen 

I wake up in the morning and I am tired of it ALL

I question everything 

Maybe I was not meant to be married

Relationships are challenging and require a lot of work, especially ones like mine. It’s too confusing and some days are good and some days I just can’t breathe 

Life where I dream about my dream and wake up and realize it was only a dream … like last night

Sometimes I blame myself and think that maybe I don’t truly want it badly enough but then I think about it and wonder if it’s similar to getting cold feet before getting married… that’s just how life is. You can’t avoid everything because of the unknown 

I feel slightly better after writing here but I have a headache and I feel numb

Bitter sweet?

 This “journey” is coming to an end 

Now that I know it’s ending, it’s full of excitement and nervousness. I’m not gonna lie, I was in a better mindset at the beginning than I am now… a part of me wants to hold on to hope and a part of me wants to be numb… and then there are the tears I cry because this is so hard… life is hard… but we’ll keep at it… because sometimes you just never know! 

Barayeh 1

 Nesfeh havij khordam

Soupeh detox dorost kardam

Otagho jamo joor kardam 

Farda hatman exercise mikonam

In hafteh in ghazaharo mikham bepazam:

Monday: salad olvieh

Tuesday: taco

Wednesday: fish and salad

Thursday: gheymeh?

Friday: pizza

No time to cry

 Today is April 6

I will do 1 thing per day to become who I should be if I want to be what I want to be

Ashk haayi keh bi seda roo gooneh haam mirizeh

 به کجا چنین شتابان؟»

گَوَن از نسیم پرسید
«دلِ من گرفته زینجا
هوس سفر نداری
ز غبار این بیابان؟»
«همه آرزویم، اما
چه کنم که بسته پایم...»
«به کجا چنین شتابان؟»
«به هر آن کجا که باشد به جز این سرا سرایم»

Vaghean harfi digeh barayeh goftan namoondeh

Man moondamo ayandeyi ke baram tasavvoresh bedooneh oon sakhteh

Midoonam man ghavi hastamo az pasesh bar miam

Vali bazi mogheh haa vaghean nemikham

Midoonam keh ashk rikhtan faydrh e nadareh

Vali bazi mogheh ha kareh digei nemisheh kard

Holding on to hope

 I’d rather wait than check … it’s not easy to not look at the past and believe that “this time is different”

I surrender

 I would love to have a “success story”… I have hope

Nothing means anything

 Been there done that

The numbness is real… baa koorsooyi az omid vali beh gholeh kharejia don’t want to get my hopes up