Tired of apologizing

 I need support 

Tired of feeling guilty about what I am saying to him

Tired of him not feeding her properly and then him passing her onto me to deal w her cries

I know he is “trying” but why do I have to deal with the mess that comes after?

And on top of that he is pushing me to give her breast milk… instead of telling me that it’s my choice

And he tells everyone that this is really hard and complicated even though she is a little angel… just because the formula and breasmilk make it too complicated FOR HIM!

They say you shouldn’t judge and let people feel what they feel

And on top of all of that he keeps nagging me about how much stuff/shit we have and how tired he is of receiving amazon boxes… like 10-20 times a day… and then he calls me a liar for not throwing out the formula i had left out by mistake and then put in the fridge … because i told him i forgot to throw it out and he tells me i can’t forget things like that!

I wish I could disappear for a day and take a break… not from her but from him… he is draining my energy 

The truth is I don’t even want to take the 1 month pictures with him anymore… I am just so tired.. and he doesn’t want to take them either. I will tell him tomorrow that he doesn’t have to… I am just so tired of crying because of him… maybe being a single parent is easier after all! 

Oops… I’ll just give her more formula

 No excuses… just raw feelings

I know that to anyone watching what he does is unacceptable… but I guess that’s just men… or some men. They are just dumb

Don’t get me wrong. He has been also amazing and I even tell him that myself. He has been so good to both of us. Even the “oops” moment was not intentional. And I know that you can’t make men a “loser” and ask them to apologize… but these are my raw feelings… I just hate it… I spend my time and energy pumping and I am already stressed and trying to keep calm… is it too much to ask that he at least gives me a hug and apologizes? This is not an “oops” moment… it’s a mother trying to feed her baby nutritious food and not just formula…

Update

 Dirooz roozeh kheyli khoobi bood

Khodaro shokr keh hamsaram harfamo goosh mikoneh o tasmim gerefte chand rooz be akhbar negah nakoneh

Dirooz khoshhal tar bood ya hadde aghal intor vanemood mikard

Beh man ke kheyli khosh gozashto yek roozeh khatereh angize khoobio ba ham separi kardim

Khodaya shokret

Garcheh aabeh rafteh baaz aayad be rood

 Maahieh bichareh ammaa mordeh bood

دوستی گفت صبر کن زیراک

صبر کار تو خوب زود کند

آب رفته به جوی باز آید

کارها به از آنکه بود کند

گفتم ار آب رفته باز آید

ماهی مرده را چه سود کند

Raazeh deleh man

 Migan ghablaz harf zadan avval fekr kon bebin chera mikhay chizio beh kasi begi… ageh dalili nadareh nagoo…

Pas man inja migam keh beh kasi nagofteh baasham

In rooz haa jozveh behtarin roozaayeh zendegiman vali baavaram nemisheh keh cheghadr hamsaran badaz beh donyaa oomadaneh dokhtaremoon ba man bad shodeh… delam barayeh mehro mohabbati keh shayad hamisheh ejbaari bood tang shodeh…

Dar depressioneh shadid beh sar mibareh o man daram say mikonam bahash kenar biam… ghablana chand rooz dar hafteh taa maah intori bood vali alaan… har rooz gheyraz chand saat…

Kheyli hesseh badieh vali man in tooza enghad ashegham keh in mano paain nemiaareh… ghamgin tarin ghesmateh maanaraa ineh keh hichvaght khodesh az in raftaresh sharmandeh nemisheh chon dar omgheh vojoodesh fekr nemikoneh keh kareh badi dareh anjaam nideh va in omgheh faajeast

Khodaya khodet behesh va behemoon komak kon