And at last... I think I know

I’ve been trying to analyze and reanalyze him... every single detail... from the way he talks, to the way he moves, to the way he smiles and laughs, asking myself what is it that’s stopping me from falling gor him? He is a great guy! I can be picky about little things... but it’s something my coworker said that bothered me... which makes me have a few tears in my eyes when I think about it: there is no spark in my eyes when I talk about him. Which brings me to the question: is that what love is? Which brings me to the next question: why was there a spark when I went out with a guy who didn’t want to spend enough time with me? Why was there a spark when I went out with a guy who had no post secondary education, was divorced and had a kid and we had nothing in common to talk about? Why was there a spark when I went out with a guy who had tattoos and smoked? And as I summarize these great men with their many differences and faults, there is something that they all had in common: an expressed passion for life! One loved to work towards being a body builder and growing his career, one was a triathlete, one loved living in Canada and riding his motorcycle. He also had a passion for his family and friends. So despite their lack of permanent interest in me, I felt a strong attraction to them because of their passion for life and working towards wanting more. So does that mean that the “new guy” doesn’t have that? Not necessarily. Which takes me back to the first thing I said. I don’t think it’s necessarily totally because of him. I think it’s about me. Ever since I visited my family I think I miss them so much and I feel like my life is incomplete without them. I know that in the past I had considered living here permanently and when I was with those men I could picture that but I don’t anymore. Anyway, I’m gonna think about what makes me happy because I want to be happy :)