Where's the fire?

The way that I can explain it is something like this: I've been cold for so long and I have finally found the magic wood that I can set on fire and let it burn forever to keep me warm.... the only problem is that this magic wood is all that it is.... for some reason there's something on his behalf that's preventing me from doing that...... The romantic person that I am, I was thinking of going there for about a month form the end of october to end of november so that I can be there for his favorite day of the year, Halloween (I know it's odd that that's his favorite day) and be there for his birthday...... But I just KNOW that if I do something like that not only is he going to not appreciate it, but he's going to judge me in a way like "wtf are u doing here? ur presence here is distracting me from studying OR ur forcing urself on me!) On the other hand, I'm equally sure that he has some strong feelings for me... there's something there.... I just know it.... and no I'm not just being wishful..... As Obama said (I think it was him), we have enough good memories from the beginning of our relationship to keep us strong throughout the tough days..... at least that's how it is for me.... All my heart wants to do is to run back to him and be with him..... All my mind was to do is to try to stop me from doing something foolish like that... I have forgot about my pride A LOT throughout this relationship to get us where we are today (where are we exactly?) but this time I think it will break me if I do something to give him a reason to look down on me... I have to have something to show before going back...... that's if I ever go back..... :)