How the impossible becomes possible... how you get trapped....

I told him that at the beginning of our relationship I told him whatever I wanted because I was not afraid of him and I felt like I could say whatever is on my mind to him...... according to him it's the opposite for most people.....at the beginning they watch what they say to impress the other person and then get too comfortable..... lol .... I think he's right...... but in our case it was the opposite because at the beginning he did things that didn't make sense to me AT ALL..... but after a while I got used to his non-sense and tried not to complain about everything that I didn't understand since I knew that in his mind he thinks he's right.... Back to the topic of the post..... how do u lose regardless of what you choose to say? For example you are mad at him. There are two things you could do: 1) Tell him you are mad and get no apology in return, have him make u feel worse than u did before 2) Not say anything and stay mad. I think I always chose the second one which made me lose less than if I chose the first option..... and at the end of the day I forgot all the bad things that he did bcz deep in my heart I knew with all of my heart that he didn't mean it....... For example the time I called him and got mad at him and cried and hung up on him .... he never called me back.......(the better option would have been to cry and not call him, rather than call him, hang up, hope he calls back) Second example, we got into an argument while walking towards a restaurant, I decided to walk away, he never came after me LOL..... so I had to go to him myself and slowly calm myself down (better option would have been to never argue with him in the first place/ not walk away) The many time (at least 3-4 times) that we got into an argument and he did not apologize, and made me feel like I don't exist...... But at the same time he has done so many nice things that it wouldn't be fair to say that it has been that bad....... As he said, as human beings we tend to forget about the bad stuff and only remember the good stuff..... and in my head he's the loveliest person alive and all I want to do is hug him and kiss him.... specially since I know he has been through so much.... I just want to hold him and make him feel so loved......