Doost dashtan yek ehsaseh keh bazi moghe ha ba mantegh joor dar nemiad

I feel like I've been ran over by a tornado in the past few weeks that has taken away the love that I had in my heart.....

My relationship with HT (my baby didn't even have an ABV before today?!) literally collapsed before my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it.... it was like something happened without me knowing it.... we haven't been spending much time with each other because he was sick for the longest time and I was so busy with school... but once things calmed down we realized every time we talk to each other we get into a fight.....there's not a single conversation that we can have with no critisims..... I had decided to ignore it, and ignore him until the end of my final exams...... but I'm actually going to see him tomorrow.......

I think if I sit down and think about it properly I'll realize that he's taken away the small self confidence that I had finally managed to built..... he makes me feel like I'm worthless...... he's a man.... he has his needs.....and I'm not satisfying him..... maybe that's why he can't control himself but to be mean to me..... I have almost given up hope.... we'll c what happens next week after I'm done with my final..... but something happened on Friday that has made me numb ever sense.....

Do we lie to ourselves to be happy?

I like him...... I like him a lot ..... that's not a lie..... he's not perfect..... but I like him just the way he is...... but I don't think I should allow myself to fall for someone who is taking away every bit of confidence I have...... wait......I'm not blaming it on him completely..... it comes back to me...... and all the things that I don't have....... he has the right to be mad..... but.......

can't think anymore.... need to sleep..... not depressed yet....... just shocked..... I have been once more hit with the reality..... I'll update you on what happens in the next few weeks....