It's amazing how you can get so close to making a dream come true and then decide that you want to keep it a dream. You're afraid of the unknown. It's so pure and so magical but, if you get too close to it, it might disappear.

In simple words:

It's so amazing that I've got so close to seeing the person that I had always wanted to see (Mr. VJ) but then decided not to because of all that he's done. It's amazing how scared I am of him. I still like him the way I did before but I can't handle his unpreditability. Everything that he's done proves to me that he doesn't care. But there's always the voice in my head that says he does care. It's always a constant battle between my heart and my head. But he might be leaving. I want to throw up when I think about the fact that he might be moving to TO to get back with his gf. But at the same time, there is no way in this world that I will put a step forward to ask him out or anything of that sort. NO WAY. I have my moments when I think about calling him and asking if he wants to hang out. But I overcome these weak moments. And to tell you the truth I'm fine with whatever he does. He can go marry someone else for all I care. I just don't want him to mislead me in any way. That's all I ask for. Please don't let him mislead me into thinnking that he cares. I don't want to be so naive...... but you know how we hear what we want to believe.....