Darn it!
As I was coming home from work, I was thinking of a topic for this post. I just wanted to say "Man digeh montazereh hichkasi nistam keh biaad" caz I've kinda tried to shift my focus from the whole idea of thinking about guys to thinking about other things like bidding for an item on ebay or selling something there (which by the way turns out to be a lot more stressfull than one might think!)
I was kinda happy and relaxed last night so I stayed up until around 2:30 reading a few poems and even posting one on facebook........ just something irrelevent to love .... just life......... well maybe a mixture of life and love but whatever
Everything was fine until a few hours ago when I got a msg from this guy (the one that danced with me in the halloween party) asking me if I wanna go have sushi with him and his friends tomorrow! (how random!) ....... why can't I just be left alone? Tired of running away from people.........seriously........... I dont want to hurt them..........so why can't they just walk away without me having to force them ( = feeling guilty for hurting them!)
Anyways........ I told him that I can't go caz I live too far away from where they want to go to...... and secondly.......1) it would be wrong to go caz that would mean that I'm leading him on wouldn't it? 2) Even if I wanted to go for my own benefit of meeting new people it would be wrong becauze of reason 1....... so I shouldn't go............(why is life so complicated?!!)
The other thing that I was gonna make a topic for (but now I'm gonna just mix it in with this one) = people can't show you who they are by saying things........and not even by doing things........ it's how they feel inside that counts....... and you can hardly ever tell how someone really truely feels about you!
I'm not happy about the fact that I don't like the black guy that works at my work place.......... I don't like the fact that he likes me (he's older so don't get any ideas and by older I mean 50+) ....... the fact that he likes me because I always try to be nice to him and make him smile/laugh makes me feel guilty......... because I really don't like him and I wish that he didn't work there...... but I always have to fake being nice........and I hate being fake! So he makes me feel bad about me....... which ultimately makes me not like him/ want him gone even more! So what would have been a better way of dealing with this situation? Would it have been better if I ignored him from the beginning? NO ......... would it have been better if I was nice to everyone but him? NO......... so is it better to fake being nice just to keep him happy? YES....... so am I doing the right thing by being fake? YES (too confusing again!!)
The sad thing is that this is not the only situation that I've encountered........ I know that in general I have a hard time liking people.......... hmmm.... maybe that's not true...... in general I actually like everyone just the way they are ........... but even though I like them they don't make me happy........ so being around them doesnt make me happy.........therefore, their existence is indifferent in my life.............. in the case of the black guy it's a bit different because I just don't get a + energy from him......... I can sense people that are sad from within....... and he's one of them........ and their - energy affects me......... and when they smile I know they're not truely happy ........... so ..........
what else did I wanna write here? I feel ok .........
p.s. man digeh montazereh hichkasi nistam keh biaad!
I was kinda happy and relaxed last night so I stayed up until around 2:30 reading a few poems and even posting one on facebook........ just something irrelevent to love .... just life......... well maybe a mixture of life and love but whatever
Everything was fine until a few hours ago when I got a msg from this guy (the one that danced with me in the halloween party) asking me if I wanna go have sushi with him and his friends tomorrow! (how random!) ....... why can't I just be left alone? Tired of running away from people.........seriously........... I dont want to hurt them..........so why can't they just walk away without me having to force them ( = feeling guilty for hurting them!)
Anyways........ I told him that I can't go caz I live too far away from where they want to go to...... and secondly.......1) it would be wrong to go caz that would mean that I'm leading him on wouldn't it? 2) Even if I wanted to go for my own benefit of meeting new people it would be wrong becauze of reason 1....... so I shouldn't go............(why is life so complicated?!!)
The other thing that I was gonna make a topic for (but now I'm gonna just mix it in with this one) = people can't show you who they are by saying things........and not even by doing things........ it's how they feel inside that counts....... and you can hardly ever tell how someone really truely feels about you!
I'm not happy about the fact that I don't like the black guy that works at my work place.......... I don't like the fact that he likes me (he's older so don't get any ideas and by older I mean 50+) ....... the fact that he likes me because I always try to be nice to him and make him smile/laugh makes me feel guilty......... because I really don't like him and I wish that he didn't work there...... but I always have to fake being nice........and I hate being fake! So he makes me feel bad about me....... which ultimately makes me not like him/ want him gone even more! So what would have been a better way of dealing with this situation? Would it have been better if I ignored him from the beginning? NO ......... would it have been better if I was nice to everyone but him? NO......... so is it better to fake being nice just to keep him happy? YES....... so am I doing the right thing by being fake? YES (too confusing again!!)
The sad thing is that this is not the only situation that I've encountered........ I know that in general I have a hard time liking people.......... hmmm.... maybe that's not true...... in general I actually like everyone just the way they are ........... but even though I like them they don't make me happy........ so being around them doesnt make me happy.........therefore, their existence is indifferent in my life.............. in the case of the black guy it's a bit different because I just don't get a + energy from him......... I can sense people that are sad from within....... and he's one of them........ and their - energy affects me......... and when they smile I know they're not truely happy ........... so ..........
what else did I wanna write here? I feel ok .........
p.s. man digeh montazereh hichkasi nistam keh biaad!
posted by TolooehFardaa at
11:38 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home