Grrrrrrrr

That means I'm angry

not because of the storm........in fact the storm was gone 2-3 days after it started.........and I started hearing the words "azizam" more than it was supposed to be used ever after...........

My life is F'ed up...... :( ........... my eyes are teary and I'm deeply sad as I'm writing this

I wish I could go on a vacation.........I've been working since JUNE ........ I need a break........ don't u think? but my mind is scattered all over the place............ I'm trying to run away from me..........but there's nowhere to hide...........

I'm sad for being so cruel to AH......... giving him high hopes before he comes here and then not even talking to him once a week!!! that's just f'ed up........... I'm very upset about it and I blame myself everyday........... I wish I'd never started talking to him............. I wish I didn't chat........ I hate being cruel to people............ and I very much dislike me........... ah!

Hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel..........it seems like it is the end of the tunnel ..... but there is no light!

I wish I could somehow just vanish........... disappear........like i never existed.......... go back to 23 + 9 monthes + 16 days + 9 months .... and never got conceived

:( :( :'(

I'm not a big fan of teary eyes............ why won't they stop?

p.s. Today I realized that yesterday was his birthday.......... so maybe thats why i wrote that post about wanting to fall in love.......... i was unconciously thinking about him / love because it was his birthday.......... Ok .......... this is crazy talk........... ignore what I just said!