Canada Day!

So last night..........after struggling with myself........ i finally decided to tell A that I would go to "the lake" with him and his friends..........

at first i didnt want to go but I thought i should sometimes just let myself be around other people ......... eventhough it might not be the best thing in the world.......specially when i dont really like that person / enjoy their company..... i should still hang out with them because......well because there is currently no one else around me that i like and like to hang out with (except for AN who i dont really have time to see now)

anywaysss........so i went.......and when he comes to pick me up he says "by the way we are going to the water park ... did u bring your swim suit?" ......and i obviously hadn't and didnt even want to go there.......... so i was like ummm........... and i couldnt really tell him that i want to go home! ....... so i just went along with him and 2 other couples....... and they went to the water etc...... and i stayed all by myself ...... i felt like i was in a prison...... i was so sad and mad that i got a headache (which is unusual because i never get headaches!) ........ i was really pissed off at him for being so careless......... you know when u take someone with u somewhere u have to make sure that they are having fun too....... either dont take them or when u do take some responsibility! ........ i wanted to call today the worst day in my life because i was trapped somewhere so far from home and didnt have any way of coming back......specially because i had one of their cell phones in my purse......... so after the loooooong wait they finally came ..... and we went to eat......... then got back in the car ..... and got home

so i really dont know.......... sometimes i get so lonely and feel like i mussst get out and hang out with others so i would stop thinking about some of my responsibilities etc............ but it makes me sad that there is no one out there that i enjoy hanging out with ......... except for AN who doesnt get me excited but he is better than all the others............. like if i were to name a few people that would get me excited i would say VJ or RD or maybe a little bit Brz or Shl ........... but that's it....... the list is short and they are pretty unavailable and i'm not even close to them ....... so ..........

i felt really down yesterday because i wanted to go to this persian party all by myself because i had convinced myself once again that doing something is better than doing nothing....... but my dad discouraged me and said why would u wanna go if u have no friends there etc. and they had to take me beceause i dont have a car etc. so i ended up not going......and i was mad again one for the fact that my dad didn't support my decision!!!!! secondly because i dont drive and third of all because i was so sad which was obvious which made my dad sad....... which made my parents start talking to me about how i should find the "right guy" ........... and then they got mad at one another..........and i got really sad........... and went to take a shower and cried!!!

haha

so i'm going to sleep now...........10 more days before i feel either really sad or really happy about two big things!! i will update u!

thanks for reading

buenas noches