The sadest part of our lives is when..........
Ok beside everything else that might go wrong in someone's life............there is one thing that really stays with u ....... stays with u and takes ur energy away day by day....... and there's nothing you can do about it......... or so I think!
And that one thing is loving people and not be loved in return!
I must admit I have done this to some people........ but to tell u the truth I never started anything........ they fell in love with me without me showing interest in them.......... or maybe I did............sometimes I get confused because I love.........I mean I absoloutely love to be friendly with people.........and honest with them............and tell them whatever is on my mind........... make them laugh etc..........and give them energy..........tell them they can do whatever is on their mind......... and I guess because doing this is so rare these days they fall in love with me! out of desperation maybe? Because I tend to connect with people that are kind of lonely like myself...... anyways ........I'm not sure............ something I do misleads them along the way......... and they start liking me...........and as soon as that happens I back off........ and they get hurt........ becaues I guess I feel threatened........... usually I can be this nice only to those people that I'm not attracted to......... so if they like me and I dont like them in return........... the best thing for me to do is back off right? what's the point of staying and getting their hopes up?
On the other hand............there is this second group of people........... who I really like......... but they don't show anything............and I back off because I only get attracted to people that flirt with me I guess ............ which leads me to the third group of people:
These people are the ones that I really truely love.........and enjoy talking to........... I just really really like them..........and want them to be around all the time............. but this doesn't mean that I have fallen for them............ they can get a girlfriend whenever they want.......... but I would still like to stay friends with them.............but then something happens...........and I think it's their fault....... whenever I meet this group of people I can truely be me and really enjoy me whenever I am around them......... so they get to see the fun and nice side of me............... and THEN.......... for some reason.......... i guess they get attracted to me...... and start flirting..... or at least they're flirting.......... by saying things like "oh were where u last night? how come i didn't here from you" ...... or somethings like calling me at midnight and playing the piano for me and singing......and then telling me that they hadn't played the piano in a long time ehem ehem! so what is a girl supposed to think??? well that girl being me thinks........... OMG ........... I like this guy.......... but we were just friends............ but OMG........... now he's indirectly telling me that he likes me?? ehemmmmmmm? what does this meannnnnn? So at first I get scared and tell myself....... ok A*** ..........u should not talk to him anymore....... I mean u don't want to get urself into a relationship do u??? ........so don't talk to him!!! ...... but then the next day comes...........and we talk.......... and when we talk I'm thinking OMG he likes me!! ........ so then the next day comes......... and he doesn't mesg me or anything............ and I get desperate.......... I message him....... and then I realize ....... F*ck......... I guess I'm in love........ and then message him more often than usual..........and am nicer to him than usual..........so I guess this time he thinks to himself ........... OMG she likes me!!! what do I do??? I must back off............I mean I just broke up with my last gf.........do I want anything new??? no...........so I should back off............ and he doesn........... or guys do............because they're emotionally a lot stronger than girls......... then everything becomes awkward......... I dont msg him because I know........... and he doesnt because he knows........... and when after a week he msgs me ....... i look at it with a smile on my face telling myself "i know u like me..........too bad it didn't work out" ............ but then the memories and the fun i had when talking to him stays with me............ and slowly kills me............ and I know......... I just know that there is nothing I can do to make myself feel better............ I have lost a great friend and there is nothing I can do about it.............
and yes ..........that is the sadest part of our lives............ or at least my life!
p.s. I must add something t othis......... this is what happened with the last guy that I liked..... but I truely don't think that we would have been a good match....... but at the same time I truely think that he would have been a perfect friend....... and what I am sad about is having lost a great friend.......... not a potential lover or a future husband........ lol........ is it so unsual to be sad about losing a friend???
ok i dont want to lie......... and I will tell u exactly how i feel.... but it's crazy because I am a crazy person and my emotions are even crazier than me!!
so at the begining i really liked him because he was a nice guy....... but he started flirting with me from the begining .... and I guess i liked him because of that..... because he made me feel like I am a worthy person......... but at the same time I knew that he had just broke up with his gf..... so at the back of my mind I always told myself ok he's flirting with u but he's just a friend......... until the night that he called and played the piano for me....... that created a dillema.........
from my last experience with Mr VJ ........ who had also broken up with his gf and had started having feelings for me and left me......... i had promised myself not to fall in love with these kind of guys because all they think about is their last gf and i would never be the one....... and in this case it was even worse because he had broken up with his gf because of no reason ....... and always talked about her ......... and it really hurt me........like it actually hurt my heart everytime he talked about his gf ........ because I truely liked him........ and i hated to see him in pain..... so ...........it's really hard to explain.......
so i guess what i am trying to say is that i was ready to give it a try ..... but at the same time i know it would have been a bad idea because he was still in love with his last gf....... so maybe it's a good thing that we don't talk anymore? and i'm not sure why i'm sad that we don't talk anymore???? omg......... maybe i am just being selfish.......... maybe i wanted to make him fall in love with me........... so he can forget about his gf........... then i would have left him???? i'm not sure because i'm truely scared of my emotions........ one day i'm head over hills in love with someone...........and next day when they express their love i get scared and run away....... and sometimes when this happens i 100 percent forget about these people and forget about my feelings..........and i don't understand why......... and this scares me because it's really scary when even you don't know who you are and what you want......... which is the problem that i have with myself........... i never know what i want exactly....... something that i really want this minute might be forgotten the next minute........and i guess people should stay away from me because of that.......... i really don't want to hurt anyone :(
And that one thing is loving people and not be loved in return!
I must admit I have done this to some people........ but to tell u the truth I never started anything........ they fell in love with me without me showing interest in them.......... or maybe I did............sometimes I get confused because I love.........I mean I absoloutely love to be friendly with people.........and honest with them............and tell them whatever is on my mind........... make them laugh etc..........and give them energy..........tell them they can do whatever is on their mind......... and I guess because doing this is so rare these days they fall in love with me! out of desperation maybe? Because I tend to connect with people that are kind of lonely like myself...... anyways ........I'm not sure............ something I do misleads them along the way......... and they start liking me...........and as soon as that happens I back off........ and they get hurt........ becaues I guess I feel threatened........... usually I can be this nice only to those people that I'm not attracted to......... so if they like me and I dont like them in return........... the best thing for me to do is back off right? what's the point of staying and getting their hopes up?
On the other hand............there is this second group of people........... who I really like......... but they don't show anything............and I back off because I only get attracted to people that flirt with me I guess ............ which leads me to the third group of people:
These people are the ones that I really truely love.........and enjoy talking to........... I just really really like them..........and want them to be around all the time............. but this doesn't mean that I have fallen for them............ they can get a girlfriend whenever they want.......... but I would still like to stay friends with them.............but then something happens...........and I think it's their fault....... whenever I meet this group of people I can truely be me and really enjoy me whenever I am around them......... so they get to see the fun and nice side of me............... and THEN.......... for some reason.......... i guess they get attracted to me...... and start flirting..... or at least they're flirting.......... by saying things like "oh were where u last night? how come i didn't here from you" ...... or somethings like calling me at midnight and playing the piano for me and singing......and then telling me that they hadn't played the piano in a long time ehem ehem! so what is a girl supposed to think??? well that girl being me thinks........... OMG ........... I like this guy.......... but we were just friends............ but OMG........... now he's indirectly telling me that he likes me?? ehemmmmmmm? what does this meannnnnn? So at first I get scared and tell myself....... ok A*** ..........u should not talk to him anymore....... I mean u don't want to get urself into a relationship do u??? ........so don't talk to him!!! ...... but then the next day comes...........and we talk.......... and when we talk I'm thinking OMG he likes me!! ........ so then the next day comes......... and he doesn't mesg me or anything............ and I get desperate.......... I message him....... and then I realize ....... F*ck......... I guess I'm in love........ and then message him more often than usual..........and am nicer to him than usual..........so I guess this time he thinks to himself ........... OMG she likes me!!! what do I do??? I must back off............I mean I just broke up with my last gf.........do I want anything new??? no...........so I should back off............ and he doesn........... or guys do............because they're emotionally a lot stronger than girls......... then everything becomes awkward......... I dont msg him because I know........... and he doesnt because he knows........... and when after a week he msgs me ....... i look at it with a smile on my face telling myself "i know u like me..........too bad it didn't work out" ............ but then the memories and the fun i had when talking to him stays with me............ and slowly kills me............ and I know......... I just know that there is nothing I can do to make myself feel better............ I have lost a great friend and there is nothing I can do about it.............
and yes ..........that is the sadest part of our lives............ or at least my life!
p.s. I must add something t othis......... this is what happened with the last guy that I liked..... but I truely don't think that we would have been a good match....... but at the same time I truely think that he would have been a perfect friend....... and what I am sad about is having lost a great friend.......... not a potential lover or a future husband........ lol........ is it so unsual to be sad about losing a friend???
ok i dont want to lie......... and I will tell u exactly how i feel.... but it's crazy because I am a crazy person and my emotions are even crazier than me!!
so at the begining i really liked him because he was a nice guy....... but he started flirting with me from the begining .... and I guess i liked him because of that..... because he made me feel like I am a worthy person......... but at the same time I knew that he had just broke up with his gf..... so at the back of my mind I always told myself ok he's flirting with u but he's just a friend......... until the night that he called and played the piano for me....... that created a dillema.........
from my last experience with Mr VJ ........ who had also broken up with his gf and had started having feelings for me and left me......... i had promised myself not to fall in love with these kind of guys because all they think about is their last gf and i would never be the one....... and in this case it was even worse because he had broken up with his gf because of no reason ....... and always talked about her ......... and it really hurt me........like it actually hurt my heart everytime he talked about his gf ........ because I truely liked him........ and i hated to see him in pain..... so ...........it's really hard to explain.......
so i guess what i am trying to say is that i was ready to give it a try ..... but at the same time i know it would have been a bad idea because he was still in love with his last gf....... so maybe it's a good thing that we don't talk anymore? and i'm not sure why i'm sad that we don't talk anymore???? omg......... maybe i am just being selfish.......... maybe i wanted to make him fall in love with me........... so he can forget about his gf........... then i would have left him???? i'm not sure because i'm truely scared of my emotions........ one day i'm head over hills in love with someone...........and next day when they express their love i get scared and run away....... and sometimes when this happens i 100 percent forget about these people and forget about my feelings..........and i don't understand why......... and this scares me because it's really scary when even you don't know who you are and what you want......... which is the problem that i have with myself........... i never know what i want exactly....... something that i really want this minute might be forgotten the next minute........and i guess people should stay away from me because of that.......... i really don't want to hurt anyone :(
posted by TolooehFardaa at
9:16 AM
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