Lost

Tanhaa maandam
Tanhaa bi del bar jaa maandam
Raazeh khod beh kas nagoftam
Eshgham raa daroon nahoftam
Deleh man ze ghamam faghaan baraarad
Deleh to ze delam khabar nadaarad

I think I wrote something about how leaving people that you love the most is one of the hardest thing that we have to do in the world.

But then I was thinking, I was thinking long and hard......... then I realized something........

The hardest thing that you have to live with.........that slowly kills you and takes your energy away....... is when you see two absoloutely lovely people hurt eachother because they probably no longer for whatever reason love eachother....... and there is absoloutely nothing you can do to make them love one another again.............

The pain that you see in their eyes everyday.......... their silence........... the fact that they still go to work everyday and don't complain..........they just no longer talk............slowly kills you........ kills your spirit..........and your motivation............

Then you start thinking............. god how can I bring them happiness?

I don't even have the money to make them happy............ they both work really hard and at the end of the month they have made enough money to pay for the rent and the grocery........... nothing left for them so they can buy themselves maybe some nice clothes .......... or take us out to dinner because I know even that would make them happy............ and the fact that they work so hard and still don't have the money to go out hurts them......... I just know it! Because besides the fact that they don't love one another ........... they don't have the "supplies" or money to bring us all together........... because selfishly enough we tend to all gather around whenever there is some food.......... and since it can't be made at home after a long day of work it has to be provided else where ........ and.............

Traveling would make them happy...........

All they are doing is working and working with absoloutely no actual fun in their worlds and two "old enough to be able to take care of themselves" people are living with them with no f*cking even jobs..............and to make that even worse one of them even borrows money from them and just doesnt seem to give a f*ck about how the fact that he has taken all my money and some of their money away is affecting them.........

In addition to all these, the fact that I can't have some privacy (because I live in a den) really hurts! I mean just imagine waking up in the middle of the night because someone dicided to stay out late ........... or waking up early morning because some people have to go to work............ or not being able to have some quiet time to yourself because the tv is always on or someone is in the kitchen!!!

Maybe it's because of all these that I have lost my faith............ I think god has left me.......... left me to deal with all these craziness by myself.......... I don't want to say that I left god because that is too wrong to be true........... but since all I have learned in life is to live my friends behind maybe this time I did actually leave behind the most important one........... the one that actually cared.............. I don't understand why I have lost all my faith and belief?

I really need to do some soul searching and see what I come up with