LOVE

wow.......

I can't believe it........

Well I Can........

I am in that stage of my life again..........where I am desperate for love.........

I mean I don't have a choice........it's not a matter of wanting it..........it's about NEEDING love

I need to find someone to love..........so I can feel like a human being...........

Maybe not even someone........something......... I need to be able to love someone....... or have feelings for someone........or something............

grrrrrrrr....no one probably understand me..........because everyone has someone to care for..........

except for me............

and one more thing.............it's that time of the year again.............that's right.....it's time to start the count down............. I'm almost 22

and the neat thing about that is........... well I was thinking the other day.........and I was like.......wow........ I'm going to be at a age where it'd be ok to think about having kids........that's right......I'm getting old............but I can expand my dreams now......... hahaha.........

and I was thinking..........that I'm getting old...........and the chance of me finding "the one" is becoming less and less every day.............because all the good ones are already taken........

it's stupid that I haven't had a bf yet............I mean it's stupid with all it's true meaning!

why can't I just fall in love.......like all these normal people?

why have I clinged to the idea of Mr. V ..........and why have I started to think so much about him???? since a week or 2 ago......I've been spending a lot of my time thinking about him.........and I'm just about to throw up......... I am begining to believe that nothing is ever gonna happen between the two of us........ but it seems like the only thing... the only light that's at the end of my dark tunnel ............is him.......... everything I do........... is kind of connected to him......... it seems like I am doing everything for him....... when I think about having money...........when I think about becoming a better person........... when I think about having a better future......all of it is because of him..........

but at the same time........there's uncertainty......... the one that stopped me from talking to him in the first place........... it was too good to be true........... that's why I ended it...........

sometimes I want to write him an email.........text message him..........or even call him and tell him that I love him............but what do I know about love? what if I see him in person ..........you know where I'm going with this.........

but there was this song that I was listening to today..........which explained everything almost so perfectly..............

نه میشه باورت کنم
نه میشه از تو رد بشم
نه میشه خوبه من بشی
نه میشه با تو بد بشم
نه دل دارم که بشکنی
نه جون دارم فدات کنم
نه پایه موندنه منی
نه میتونم رهات کنم
نه میتونه تو خلوتش دلم صدا کنه تورو
نه میتونم بگم بمون..نه میتونم بگم برو
کجا برم که عطره تو نپیچه تو یه لحظه هام
قصمو از کجا بگم که پا نگیری تو صدام
چه جوری از تو بگذرم تویی که معنیه منی
تویی که از منی اگر تیشه به ریشه میزنی
نه ساده ای نه خط خطی
نه دشمنی نه همنفس
نه با تو جایه موندنه
نه مونده راهه پیشو پس
نمیشه با تو باشمو اسیره دسته غم نشم
فقط میخوام با خواستنت تا هستم از تو کم نشم

and one more thing...... he seems to be so happy with that girl........I'm just not sure if he's in love.........