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You know what.....I'm not sure of what I want..... I might like something today and not the same in a few monthes...... I remember regretting the fact that I rejected S 6-7 years ago....... I think that was last year....... but only because I was so desperate....... I was looking for someone who loves me for me...... and this year someone did love me for me...... and I rejected him....... it always seems like there's somehting missing...... I CANT MAKE MYSELF LIKE SOMEONE WHEN I DONT FEEL NOTHING FOR THEM...... I don't know why I don't feel anything for them..... right now I'm already stressed out enough about school and I don't think it would have been a good idea to start anything new with someone who seems to be from a total different world! I just hope that he finds it in his heart to forgive and forget me..... I honestly never wanted to do something that would make him like me.... he liked me from the beginning and it was hard from the VERY BEGINNING to reject him....... I wanted to give myself and him a chance to see how things go...... but my heart is apparently made of stone! that's what I discovered....... someone needs to teach him that girls don't get attracted to guys who tell them "I love you" the first time they meet! that's just scary and from the beginning it sounds like a lot of responsibility....... I mean I have read a lot of romantic novels and even I know that one shall never say that in the beginning unless they're sure that the other person has somehow showed some interest...... I wrote him kind of a mean e-mail and it seems like he now hates me..... which is kind of good because if he continued liking me and if I didn't respond to his calls I was honestly worried that he would go hurt himself ...... but now that he knows I'm not really as nice as he thought maybe he wouldn't ....... god please keep him safe......

يادم باشد حرفی نزنم که به کسی بر بخورد
نگاهی نکنم که دل کسی بلرزد
خطی ننويسم که آزار دهد کسی را
يادم باشد که روز و روزگار خوش است
وتنها دل ما دل نيست

god please forgive me........you know that I'm not the kind that hurts others..... I live to make people happy.... only if I knew how to do this differently so he wouldn't get hurt I would do it.... I would risk my own unhappiness for others..... but not this time...... I don't want to play with anyone's heart..... specially not mine!