and after...... how long was it? 5 monthes....probably more..... of thinking about him everyday....honesly I did think about him everyday....... today was the day that all my dreams turned into dust........like real dust.... thank you god for answering my questions......all this time......I'd been wondering if he feels the same about me....... I donnow.... it seemed like he likes me a lot....... well that's what he told me! and this is what he tells me today..........it's really hilarious........

17 (27/12/2006 9:14:26 PM): ehemmmm.... in doostet chi migeh "vahid khosh salighe tarin aadameh donyaasto bayad mardom pishesh beran salighe yaad begiran" o inaa? aslan ba in harfaash haal nakardam...... kholaaseh u know what to do....... get rid of him! or tell him roo harfe man harf nazaneh

Arash (27/12/2006 10:53:22 PM): hasoodit mishe yeki harfe delesho mizane?

17 (27/12/2006 10:53:35 PM):
17 (27/12/2006 10:56:20 PM): NEMIDoonam valla...... he's ur friend.....man ke azash khosh nadaaram..... behesham begoo ba oon dokhtare harf nazaneh.......aslan pesare bi adabieh........az ghadimam goftan javaabeh ablahaan khaamooshist...so i have nothing to say to him...... to khodet mitooni nasihatesh koni age mikhay.... nemikhaayam ke hichi...be man che! faghat behesh begoo too kaare man dekhaalat nakoneh hamin .... behesh begoo mind ur own business
Arash (27/12/2006 10:56:20 PM): one thin
Arash (27/12/2006 10:57:24 PM): 1. be to hich harfi nazade so chizaye digash be to hich rabti nadare
Arash (27/12/2006 10:58:00 PM): 2. as u can see from his album, me n him r very close. I never wanna hear any1 sayin anythin about him
Arash (27/12/2006 10:58:22 PM): 3. i fu wanna keep sendin random msgs, u better know wuts comin out or ur mouth
Arash (27/12/2006 10:58:48 PM): da lowest lvl of firends for me is a buddy
Arash (27/12/2006 10:58:57 PM): if u don wanna be even that, don even msg
Arash (27/12/2006 10:59:18 PM): or if its a different case, harfe dahaneto befahm
17 (27/12/2006 11:00:10 PM): to avval boro yaad begir baa dokhtaraa chetori sohbat koni bad biaa baa man harf bezan! ur just a really mean person .......man aslan nemitoonam ba adamaayi mesleh to kenaar biaam......harvaght toonesti nice tar bashi mitooni behem msg bezani
17 (27/12/2006 11:00:54 PM): haazeri be khaatereh inkeh az DOOSTET tarafdaari koni in harfaaro be man bezani? that's just not right
Arash (27/12/2006 11:01:37 PM): FYI, it was u who msged. I am who I am n i'm sorry but ur not special enough for me to change anythin about maslef. if u can't put up wit it, oh well, i didn lose anythinArash Palang (27/12/2006 11:01:43 PM): yes i will
Arash (27/12/2006 11:02:02 PM): ta to bedooni ke che harfayee ro bayad bezani va che harfayee ro bayad ghoort bedi
17 (27/12/2006 11:03:09 PM): wow......emshab javaabeh tamaameh soaalaayi ke too fekram moondeh boodo gereftam..... to oontori ke man fekr mikardam nisti...... nemidoonam man chera ye joor digeh fekr mikardam.....taghsireh khodete ke enghadr do rooi.....
Arash (27/12/2006 11:04:46 PM): barat khoshhalam ke solat bi javab namoondan
Arash (27/12/2006 11:04:48 PM): bye
17 (27/12/2006 11:05:01 PM): vaaghean fuck u! BYE

and now that I think about it.......... I wish I hadn't remembered.....but it could be because he thinks that I don't care about him at all...because a few days ago he told me that I'm his "buddy" and I said no I'm not.......that was just because I...... I mean u can't call someone a buddy when u think about them every day ......can you? .......

I donnow why I always blame myself for everything that goes wrong......why shouldn't he think that he might have been wrong ? why should I be sad because he didn't understand me? why?

and just because of this ....... i can't put a closure on the love that I have for him....... because I'd be always thinking....."maybe if he knew how I really feel about him he would'nt have hurt me" ........

but I will try.... I will try to make this the end of "it" ........ because I'm tired of loving someone who's so far away.......... maybe some day I'll write a story about it.....

he never wanted to believe how lonely I am.......and he never wanted to believe just HOW MUCH I cared about him........ he asked me to tell him I love him and I couldn't ..........still can't.......... in my heart......... I BELIEVE that I love him.......... but can't say it out loud......

14 days before my birthday....happy birthday to me.......