you know what?

I'm not sure if this is gonna help my mind settle or not but I'm gonna give it a try anywayz......

ur probably tired of my "momentary love stories" but I just can't help myself!

I mean .......it's sooooo scray because I have no idea how I should feel and what kind of things I should feel ..and when to stop??????

ok I'm gonna give u an example........ there is another persian guy at my work.. ( I donnow if u remember or not but I'd told u that there's this guy at work that I like.......and after a while we went to the library together.....and I realized that I dont like him in that way at all!!) ... well ... there is this other guy that FOR NO REASON i'm attracted to.....it's probably because he hasn't shown much interest yet..He keeps flirting and stuff... and my innocent mind gets fooled and starts feeling things that it should NOT be feeling........

so here's my situation right now...... I haven't talked to P for 5-6 days........ she hasn't called me and I don wanna call her because I'm trying to stop myself from thinking that I should always be the one who initiates the friendships/ conversations/ etc.

anywayz.......NO I WON'T call her....and to be honest with u I don't miss her that much......it's probably because of this new guy and the people at work ........ I also have so much on my mind right now....the thing is that I want to get my focus back on life..I mean school...and stopppppppp ... like seriously stop with the thought of having a love / friendship/ relationship etc. ......... I honestly want to make myself stop.......and I'm mad that this guy at work is distracting me....( at the same time happy..because after all it is exciting to think about (L) !!! duh!!! ) ........ he's definately not an ideal match........ NO NO noo he is NOT....... he has way to many friends ...and he is one of those people who comes from a totally dif world than mine.......

I'm so confused .... I want to quit work so I won't see him again..... I do like him..and I do miss him ...... but I'M SURE it's because of the desperation and the need of having someone in my life who I can talk to ........... YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND how it feels to NOT HAVE any 1 AT ALL........ have u ever imagined urself ALONE? like have u ever felt like u have no one ...not a single soul that u can talk to when u get bored etc.??? I'm SURE your answer is no because no one in the world is as lonely as I am.......... it's my own fault....................

it scares me to get close to people..........because if I get close to them I get used to them... and knowing PEOPLE I know that they do leave u .......and they probably don't care that much because they are not LONELY like ME and don't have this much LOVE trapped in themselves.....sometimes I feel like I want to EXPLODE ...... you have NO IDEA how it feels like to have so much love and not give it to anyone....... no ONE ..........yes I'm SURE no ONE deserves to have it..........because no one is like me....... and the ones that are are way to weird.......

so...........conclusion? I honestly can't make a conclusion out of this one.....

ALL EYES ON ME........that's what I need......A LOT OF ATTENTION......... and no one has the time or the heart to do that for me..... and NO .........I'M NOT WILLING TO start a friendship with someone who can't do that.......

ok? comprende? aight.........GOOD LUCK TO ME