Gilmoure Girls.....

I was watching one of its episodes today......and the girl with the single mom was turning 21....and her grand parents threw her a very GRANDE FIESTA which was very nice.....and they invited all of her friends........

and then I got sad.......I'm going to turn 21 in exactly 1 monthes and 17 days......how the time flies by with a blink of an eye...... I remember at the age of 17 I cried because I was very upset about the fact that I was turning to that age and never had had a BF........ haha.........and now......... well I'm a lot maturer so I don't think I'd actually sit down and cry because of that....I have other things to worry about! and not having a bf is just one of them.........

why do all my writings here turn out to be about (L)....... I'm honestly tired about that...... 'cause to be HONEST with u I can not see it happening any time soon......let's face it .........I'm at school right now........ a big school... where no one knows anyone......... + go to work where we have a lot of gay people......+ will be a lot busier next semester with my "new plan" of doing a "khafan studying" .... so no time for no love..........

so I was thinking.........how do I get my head to turn around ....... ehem that's impossible.......
ok.........

how do I get my thoughts to turn around from a "relationship" down hole ( i just created this word) ....... to an academic one.........

I mean like seriously..........what's the point of thinking about something that, as I explained, will NOT .....I repeat.. WILL NOT be happening any time soon....... after all, the sky can not just open up and throw (L) into my arms....... SO yes...... I do realize that I have to be patient ( hmm do I )

let's say this in another way...........

I want my self to REALIZE that I need to be PATIENT..........

be patient

be patient

be patient.........

ok..........

I need someone's help but since I have no friends and am currently accepting any "friendships" I'm not gonna recieve any help........

hmm.. that's kinda sad......

u know what..... I wish there was someone .....or some people who I could go study with.......... and then have fun with (maybe on the weekends)...........

I honestly don't know any people that are like that.... most of my "friends" ( the people that I make the effort and time to talk to) are anti- geeks........ and the fact that I like being a geek makes me anti - my friends...... which in the end doesn't turn out very well!

hmmmmmmmm... anywayz.......

so as a summary:

1) I'm turning 21 soon
2) don't want to think about (L) anymore
3) need to end my friendships........
4) need something else to replace my friends with
5) DETERMINATION

yes ....... I need a very very VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRY high determination........ in order to succeed in what I'm about to do I need to be sure that I can do it........ and I need to analyze all the obstacle that I might encounter in the near future....... and need to know how to deal with them.........

I know that I can get there.. I know that it can happen........I'm sure that it can happen.........

yes....... IT WILL HAPPEN.......

yes........I WILL GET TO WHERE I WANT ...........

yes.........all my efforts WILL PAY OFF......

yes.........I'm GOING TO SUCCEED.....

yes..........I'm going to be the BEST..............

need a plan.........but it's 11 at night right now and ..........I really need to get some sleep cause this brain of mine ain't functionin no more............

so yea.............

CIAO for NOW