What am I gonna do with all these clothes?

As I look around my room, all I see is clothes, paper, and books!

So how am I gonna clean this room?

What is the point of having these many shirts, pants, scarves, jackets, jewleries etc.???!

I remember when I baught them and why I baught them.

Anywayz.....the plan is to put them all away and somehow sell them on e-bay or something. I have 2 pairs of pants that I use... and having to choose between all these shirts that I have is just way too confusing. So.......... I'm just going to pick a few of them that I like the most and put the rest of them away for a while and see what happens....... can I live without them? I'm sure I can!

Is this a good plan? is my room going to get cleaned? I certainly hope so!

But...... serioiusly .........one thing that I can not understand and is not related at all to what I said above is why I didn't cry?

I'm having a really hard time understanding it .... he has passed away..... am I not supposed to cry? If not why was everyone else crying? and why didn't I get sad to see them cry? what has happened to my tears?

I kind of don't understand why they should be sad to hear someone who lived so farrr away from them ( whom they talked to once or twice a month) should have such a big impact on them and their lives?

I remember last year, when I got hired at the place I work at now, all of a sudden, I was so emotional and sensative that I could not understand? All I wanted to do was stay at home and hug my mom and be next to her....... I was scared... scared of the real world which I had lived so far away from before I get that job....I was happy to have a home that I could come back to ... I was happy to have a family who understands me......... those people were so different......

Anyways.....a few days ago I saw them cry... they were all so sad ...... and me... I almost even smiled......I donnow why! and I can't understand why....have I turned into a "follower" from the "dark side"? I don't think so......... I mean I'm sure I have not......I think to me death is a happy thing.....we should celebrate it....... specially if it's someone who was not happy with his/her life......

I'm just weird....or unique.....but more weird than unique!

Warning:

Stay as far away from me as possible because I think I do have the ability to hurt you .........not intentionally........but my feelings, emotions, thoughts are all so mixed up together that ......... in other words I'm just f*cked up.........and taa ettelaaeh saanavi az man doori konid.

Baa tashakkor........

ME :)