wake up call!
After I donnow how long of thinking that I am normal like everyone else, "someone" reminded me that I'm not!
Yes, he told me that I don't look good enough to consider myself as one of them. All I want to do is to be alone, and stay away from "them" .......the people who are closest to me and hurt me the most........
All I want to do is to succeed....... and make money.......lots of money.......to make my dreams come true........
How could I be so stupid to forget about the fact that I'm not like the rest of them and I'll never fit in?
He's right...... no one will ever like me....not like this......so I should stop trying......I should even stop thinking.... How could I be so stupid to forget or not care about my flaws? how?
I'm done.......done with thinking about (L) .......
(12:35 a.m.)
wow ....... I can't believe that I actually cried.......after such long time...... and I got a headache after....... that's my punishment for wasting my tears........but I don't care.....it feels good to cry once in a while.........
I went for a walk after........ the sky looked so beautiful....... I donnow why there's always clouds on top of the big towers on the other side of the water (downtown) but none here? that's what makes the view so...hmm... magical........ I was hypnothised..and had no choice but to walk towards it........ so I went to the water front park....... there were a few couples there.........two of them were dogs playing with eachother...it was so cute...... as I was staring at the sky the sun disappeared and it was getting kind of dark.........so I got on the bus .........went to the bank...deposited my paycheck....... and went to the library after........I had not used the computer for almost 24 hours so it felt really good to be there.......after checking my e-mails I went home...... and my dad was there...... (back from Iran) ........ so I gave him a hug and he told us a lil bit about what he'd done in Iran........ most of them sad stories ........
it's almost 1:00 a.m. I honestly don wanna go to sleep...there's so much on my mind that makes me wanna stay awake all night and think...... I will probably skip my spanish class tomorrow..... I haven't done my homework......so I don wanna go to the class........ u got a problem with that? :D ... but I'll go to my french class in the morning..... I'll do my homework on the bus......
right now I feel kinda sad........I'm not the happy person that I was a few days ago..... I had kind of decided to stop talking to people and do what I did in the first year ....... which was = going to the library by myself, study, and stay away from people..... BUT that wouln't be fair to me ....... I'm strong enough to move on!
Yes, he told me that I don't look good enough to consider myself as one of them. All I want to do is to be alone, and stay away from "them" .......the people who are closest to me and hurt me the most........
All I want to do is to succeed....... and make money.......lots of money.......to make my dreams come true........
How could I be so stupid to forget about the fact that I'm not like the rest of them and I'll never fit in?
He's right...... no one will ever like me....not like this......so I should stop trying......I should even stop thinking.... How could I be so stupid to forget or not care about my flaws? how?
I'm done.......done with thinking about (L) .......
(12:35 a.m.)
wow ....... I can't believe that I actually cried.......after such long time...... and I got a headache after....... that's my punishment for wasting my tears........but I don't care.....it feels good to cry once in a while.........
I went for a walk after........ the sky looked so beautiful....... I donnow why there's always clouds on top of the big towers on the other side of the water (downtown) but none here? that's what makes the view so...hmm... magical........ I was hypnothised..and had no choice but to walk towards it........ so I went to the water front park....... there were a few couples there.........two of them were dogs playing with eachother...it was so cute...... as I was staring at the sky the sun disappeared and it was getting kind of dark.........so I got on the bus .........went to the bank...deposited my paycheck....... and went to the library after........I had not used the computer for almost 24 hours so it felt really good to be there.......after checking my e-mails I went home...... and my dad was there...... (back from Iran) ........ so I gave him a hug and he told us a lil bit about what he'd done in Iran........ most of them sad stories ........
it's almost 1:00 a.m. I honestly don wanna go to sleep...there's so much on my mind that makes me wanna stay awake all night and think...... I will probably skip my spanish class tomorrow..... I haven't done my homework......so I don wanna go to the class........ u got a problem with that? :D ... but I'll go to my french class in the morning..... I'll do my homework on the bus......
right now I feel kinda sad........I'm not the happy person that I was a few days ago..... I had kind of decided to stop talking to people and do what I did in the first year ....... which was = going to the library by myself, study, and stay away from people..... BUT that wouln't be fair to me ....... I'm strong enough to move on!
posted by TolooehFardaa at
6:22 PM
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