It depends.......

It depends on my mood....

The way I feel in that moment........

I might have a very very verrry strong feeling towards something for a moment and change my mind (180 degrees) about it the next minute....... oh I donnow if u have ever felt that way.........

And I do sometimes say things in those little moments that I regret later on in the day...... well I shouldn't say regret ........ I just laugh at myself for having said/done them because now it might seem like it was totallllly wrong ..but at THAT MOMENT....it was not ........ and that in my opinion is........ummm...very.....interesting!

sometimes I do start talking to myself.....like saying the things that i've written up here out loud....(and after I say them I write them here) ......and I think to myself......... omg.....what if someone walks into my room right this minute while I'm talking to.......... the monitor!!! would they start crying and think I've gone crazy???? hmmm... I hope not!

I don't consider myself a crazy person..... I'm just too careless sometimes about the others...... and do whatever that pleases ME........ and I only think about me....... which might in your opinion be wrong.....but I'm loving it!

oh and in case ur wondering about what happened yesterday.. because I believe I posted something here.......... I came up with a conclustion :

Talking to **** gives me energy......

hmmmmmm... it's too hard to describe it but I actually told him how I feel....and I'm just going to copy and paste that here instead of rewriting/ rethinking how I should write the way I felt again!

ok......

ready?

don't laugh!!!

=

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mishe yeh vaght online bebinametoon?

جانا به غریبستان تا چند ز چه می مانی
باز آ از آن غربت تا چند پریشانی
صد نامه فرستادم صد راه نشان دادم
یا نامه نمی خوانی یا راه نمی دانی
باز آ که در آن محبس قدر تو نداند کس
با سنگدلان منشین تو گوهر این خانه
اگر خواهم غم دل با تو گویم جا نمی یابم
اگر جایی شود پیدا تو را تنها نمی یابم
اگر جایی کنم پیدا تنها تو را یابم
* ز شادی دست و پا گم می کنم خود را نمی یابم

lol.....raasti farsi baladi bekhooni? nemidoonam cheraa enghad be to gir daadam? vali hamash taghsireh toeh...... u've mislead me.... but i don't care..... i would still like 2 talk 2 u..... aakhe har vaght ke baahaat harf mizanam for some reason por energy misham....to vaaseh man mesleh esfenaajeh malavaaneh zebeli ...lol .......albate as long as u don't zeddeh haal...... fardaa ta'tilamo kolli kaar daaram.....shayad ageh ba u harf bezanam hoseleyeh anjaam daadaneh kaaraamo peida konam.......ah I dont even know if u're gonna check ur offlines here....... .....e-mailam ke rafte too junk mailaat probably...... i donnow what to say anymore....... i hope ke betooni 5-10 mins az vaghteto baa man waste koni..... agaram nemikhay harf bezani begiaaa...TANX..... fe'lan by


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*'(I was not happy with writing that poem for him because I'd already told it to someone else once before..... and I hate it when people use the same "lines" to get other people's attention......I think it's disgusting......but I did it anywayz........I had to go to work and didn't have time to find a new poem for him.... and it described exactly how I felt ......so i dont even think that I could find one even if I tried.......anywayz.....yes..........I rarely do disgusting things like that.....I hope I forgive myself...........)

now I'm waiting for his reply.........actually I'm not waiting for it ........I'm hoping I won't get a reply.....because he's probably going to say "you are insane........u need to go see a doctor......." ....... I'm ready to hear that........and it's ok if he says it......that way I will definately stop talking to him ........

oh wow...... I just realized something.....I sometimes make people hate me......because that way I won't think about them wanting to talk to me again.... therefore I don't think about them either...... which creates a peace of mind for me......

because now that I think about it......... I have done this* a few times before ......... interestinggggggg... good to know......... wow this was a great discovery!!!

all right........it's 7:48 now....... I woke up at 6.......... now....hmmm...I'm going to....... make breakfast..... and thennn...hmmmm ...it'll be a surprise ;)

chao for now