Focus

In order to accomplish new things in life we sometimes have to change our focus. For example, in my case, instead of wanting for the impossible to happen I should learn to be patient, let the time pass, and hope that it will take care of some of the things that are just out of my power and control.

In the past week, I learned that I can't just write a story in my head and wait for it to happen! That's not how things work in this life. Yes, things like that only happen in fairy tales and now I know that.

It just bothers me to know that someone, whom I care so much about, ignore me like that. I'm probably nothing more than a stranger to him. He says, "of course, I would like for us to continue chatting and maybe even meet again......". But why wouldn't he? I'm sure all guys enjoy life more when the number of their admirers increase.

I told him that he is like Elvis. But now that I think about it, he is more like Tom Cruise. Someone who is loved by everyone around him and has the kind of personality that is impossible not to like (love).

I have made up my mind. I have told him that I like him in so many ways that is just embarresing. Now it's time to finally stop. As I had MYSELF written in one of my posts before the only way that a relationship/friendship can work is if both the people want the same things and move together (yek ghadam to yek ghadam man). And that is the only way. I don't know how to describe it. It's like getting so excited to start running with someone else, in a competition, and see who gets to the end first...just for the fun of it!! So you start running as fassst as you can and when u reach the end, and start clapping your hands, you turn back, only to see that the other person has his back to the starting zone, talking to a beautiful girl! So there was never a game at allll, you were just assuming that you were in a game together with someone else. So how can you finish something that was never even started? (wow, that was a nice example! ;) ).

So what are the chances of Tom Cruise going out with me? hmmm...let me think...

...........

.........

.....

..

.

0%!!!!

oh ok......

He's a charming man, and he has, I'm sure, 1000 admirers that he wouldn't even notice if one of them leaves (and to tell the truth, I can not compete against 999 other girls).

Anywayzzzz, cheghadd harf mizanammmmm...khodam sar dard gereftam :D

I'm going camping, and in thsse three days, I want to think about school, no I don' twant to think about forgetting him. I'm going to think about school. I'm going to think about getting a better job. I'm hoping that he will be erased from my memories by the time I come back! And about #4, I have absolutely no commentssss about him!!!

(28/07/2006)

(2:46:12 AM): pas biya mesle ye dokhtare khoob farda berim becharkhim
(2:46:17 AM): che eshkal dare

(2:47:00 AM): sobhane nahar sham ham

(2:48:19 AM): asrunam rush

(2:48:26 AM): khube

(2:48:44 AM): i wish i could

(2:49:14 AM): in jomleharo bara in pesar vancouveriya benevis

(2:49:34 AM): /:) manzoor

(2:50:11 AM): ye lebas az jomhooriye moz ham barat mikharam

(2:50:36 AM): B-)

(2:51:14 AM): i would have accepted it if it was a month ago..... i have changed now

.........

...

.

(2:58:28 AM): midooni u bayad ba in mexicia beri biroon..... ham akhlagheshoon khoobeh ham nice and ham good lookingan

(2:58:50 AM): aslan ba harfet haal nakardamo

(2:59:04 AM): be khatere ehterami ke barat ghaelam

(2:59:12 AM): harfeto bi javab mizaram

(2:59:37 AM): ok sorry..... i dont know what else to say

----------------------------

(29/07/2006)

(29/07/2006 12:19:51 AM): mikhay farda biyam downtown?
(29/07/2006 12:20:03 AM): why
(29/07/2006 12:20:12 AM): hamo bebinim
(29/07/2006 12:20:25 AM): farda kar mikonam
(29/07/2006 12:20:32 AM): midoonam
(29/07/2006 12:20:41 AM): bara hamin goftam downtown
(29/07/2006 12:20:49 AM): vaghte esterahatet
(29/07/2006 12:21:02 AM): nemidoonam breakam keyeh
(29/07/2006 12:21:54 AM): bade karet chi?
(29/07/2006 12:22:16 AM): i'll be too tired... i have a long shift tomorrow
(29/07/2006 12:22:28 AM): ok nemiyam
(29/07/2006 12:22:35 AM): thanks
(29/07/2006 12:23:13 AM): nemikhay mano bebini?

(29/07/2006 12:23:36 AM): no
(29/07/2006 12:24:41 AM): goftam ke there's someone that i like ....bara hamin nemitoonam
(29/07/2006 12:25:58 AM): no respond?
(29/07/2006 12:26:44 AM): chi begam ,khodet hamechi ro migi dige
(29/07/2006 12:27:15 AM): khob be nazaret harfam gheyre manteghie?
(29/07/2006 12:27:43 AM): i dont know
(29/07/2006 12:28:04 AM): chio nemidooni
(29/07/2006 12:28:59 AM): age oon nabud chi?
(29/07/2006 12:30:02 AM): i dont know...
(29/07/2006 12:31:25 AM):
(29/07/2006 12:31:30 AM): ?
(29/07/2006 12:31:42 AM): i dont know
(29/07/2006 12:31:55 AM): u dont know?
(29/07/2006 12:32:01 AM): yeh
(29/07/2006 12:32:07 AM): okkk
(29/07/2006 12:33:17 AM): rasti ma darim mirim camping.....so i'll be gone until wednesday
(29/07/2006 12:33:35 AM): koja?
(29/07/2006 12:34:03 AM): i dont know... do se saat ba inja fasele dare
(29/07/2006 12:34:16 AM): khosh begzare
(29/07/2006 12:34:44 AM): i hope so
(29/07/2006 12:35:05 AM):
(29/07/2006 12:35:51 AM): u am khabet miad?
(29/07/2006 12:36:02 AM): na
(29/07/2006 12:36:11 AM): az dastetto khaste shodam
(29/07/2006 12:36:34 AM): key natijeye rabetat ba in pesare malum ishe?
(29/07/2006 12:37:29 AM): vaghti oon aghlesh sare jash biad.... ba'desham i'm not looking for a bf
(29/07/2006 12:37:53 AM): you are looking for shohar?
(29/07/2006 12:38:08 AM): no
(29/07/2006 12:38:14 AM): pas chi?
(29/07/2006 12:38:24 AM): donbaleh chizeh khassi nistam
(29/07/2006 12:38:27 AM): un pesare ghare chiye to beshe?
(29/07/2006 12:38:39 AM): doostam
(29/07/2006 12:38:53 AM): khoba manam mikham doostet besham
(29/07/2006 12:39:14 AM): mikhastam
(29/07/2006 12:39:49 AM): ok
oulehlov arash (29/07/2006 12:40:08 AM): bye
(29/07/2006 12:40:22 AM): dont be angry at me
oulehlov arash (29/07/2006 12:40:43 AM): i'm mad

....................................................................

It scares me to know that I'm so cruel and cold hearted. There are somethings that I'm 100 percent sure about, and when I am, no matter what the other person says, does, there is absolutely NO WAY that I will change my mind. And unfortunately, this is one of them. It's not the first time it happens. I have no control over it. My heart sometimes doesn't FEEL anything, and my conscious for some reasonn doesn't stop me from being so cruel. I don't know what to say. I just don't. And please don't ask for any logic. I'm as confused as u are!!