Done!
It's been exactly a month since my first date and I think that I'm done with wanting to experience something new!
#1 I would like to thank him for telling me that I'm worth more thank I think. Eventhough I did not like him in "that way" I'm very glad that I went out with him. I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me if he had any feelings for me.
#2 At first I thought that I like him, but as we talked more and more I realized that he is someone who is very pesimistic and afraid of starting friendships with people. I think at this age he is tired of fooling around (not that he's old, he's only 23..but i guess he's had many experiences...) and maybe he's looking for "the one" too. Eventhogh I feel like now he doesn't mind hanging out with me, my "desperation" is gone and I don't think I can do it...... even if he tells me he likes me......it's so weird.....there's a stronggggggg , very very strong force that controls my feelings and ideas.......... it tells me when to start and when to stop....... or even if anything should start...... i have nooooo idea where it comes from ..... but......it's just kind of scrazy because there's no way I can fight it........
some people enter my heart and get kicked out......the others remain behind the door, knocking, trying to get in, after a while they give up and leave!
That would be #3, I'm glad I went out with him, just for the sake of continuing my "exploration" into the new world that I'd never been in before. For some weird reason, I did not like him from the verrrry begining, I have no idea why!! absolutely no idea. Maybe it's because, at the begining, he'd sent me an email saying that "I'm a shy guy and I would like to get to know u more" ....I donnow what it is about SHY people that makes me hate... well not hate but dislike them.......not even dislike......just NOT like them.....there we go :D .......anywayz..... eventhough he was very good at chatting, and had good manners in real life, was easy to talk to, that strong force kept him out of my heart. When we went out, while we were walking he asked me " are u happy that I gave u the PLEASURE of meeting me?", and that was just it!!! I have sooo much respect for myself that I can't allow someone like him to say things like that to me... eventhough he was joking .....I donnow what it is about him that makes him so very very verrrrrrry difficult to like....... I swear to god, he is such a nice person and he's very easy to talk to... there is no reason why I should not like him even 1 little bit.. but yet I feel like I don't like him AT ALL ........ this is going to remain as a mystery forever.......
he'd told me that he likes me A LOT, and he wants to see me again. At the same time he'd told me that I'm not good looking, but he loves my personality. And I do believe him. We'd stopped chatting, and a few days ago he came onine and asked me out again, I told him I like someone else....... he came online again saying that he just wants to be friends with him and nothing more. But I'm more than 100% sure that he really likes me a lot...this had been my plan...to tell #4 that I just want him as a friend.... LOL....... it's so funny because I feel like what #3 is feeling for me is exactly like the feeling that I have towards #4 ......and if #4 doesnt like me as I don't like #3 there is no point of us chatting... anywayz........ I've decided not to talk to #3 again, because I'm out of my "desperation" zone and dont even feel like having friends ..at all!
#4 is a dream....... he's exactly what I need in my life right now....... we went out once and I feel like I've changed so much since I met him, I have so much more respect for myself, and I've stopped looking at guys the way I did before* ...... now there have been only 3 guys since last week that I've looked at and thought "hmm, he's pretty good looking (L)" .... is 3 still a lot? well compared to what it was before (= most guys and even MEN in the street) I think I've improvedddd for sure! but even 3 is a lot :( ... one of my "co- workers" last week told me that there's no reason to start a relationship with someone who u think is less than perfect....because there WILL come a day when u will leave him for someone who's better than him... and eventhough I already knew that .. when she said it I ... BELIEVED it....... and I got scared...
anywayz.....being able to spend 4 hours with #4 without ever feeling awkward or bored ...was absolutely an accomplishment.... I wonder if everyone around him thinks he's as great as I think he is..... I wonder if all girls like him the way I like him.... does everyone think he's so great? does everyone want to become a better person after they meet him? I sure do! I've started reading newspapers, doing some excercises, making myself look better, etc.
I've told him that I like him, and i guess that's what he hears from many many people everyday. I wonder how many people fall in love with him everyday...and i guess he has no choice but to tell them that he can't fall in love with them after the first date..lol ....... his personality... he has the BEST personality.... I've met many people in my life but no one who is so great.... anywayz... as much as I want to go out with him again ( god only knows how muchh I want/wanted to) I'm just not going to..... he's alwayz saying that I can't come etc. .. no he doesnt say i cant come.... he does something worse....... ok ... I'll give u a full explanation of what he's done so far.......
1) after we met .......he sent me an email on that night saying "if u had a cellphone I'd call u right now, wake u from sleep and kiss u goodnight" ....... ok yes.......that's what he said...... and me........ I was like omg......maybe he really does like me.......and that's why I allowed myself to like him......
2) that's how I went crazy and sent him an e-mail telling him that I like him etc. and he said that it takes a lot more than a few dates for him to fall in love etc. .... now that i think about it I understand....... guys want girls to like them..... i mean why wouldn't they....... so they sometimes send "false signals" .......ok whatever
3) I sent him an e-mail saying that I'd like to hang out with him next week.... so I come home at night check my emails.. no replies...... go online... he is there.....me: "why didn't u reply"........ him:"reply to what? have u sent me an email".......me: "yes... don't u check ur email" ... thinking... ajab aadameh bi khiaali!!! .....him:" gimme a second .. i'm gonna check them now....!!!!"
...whatever!... then he's like "for sure we can go if u want......" ........i get happy......then he says "actually I'm probably gonna have 3 morning shifts and the other two days I can't come...bluh bluh bluh....." ..so I was happy when he'd said ok at first but then I was mad!!! ....... ( the reason why i had sent him an email asking him out shows how selfish i am!! i no that he might not even like me....... but i can learn soooooo much from him that i'm even willing to pay him to come out with me!! like seriously......)
right now I'm like whatever... i don even wanna talk to him again..... I did really reallyyyyyy want to see him again.. but he takes away so much of my energy by "zeddeh haaling" that I think the bad that will come out of this is a lot more than the + .........
ok that's it.....i'm done with my exploration of (L) / guys....... now i'm ready to (am I?) ...... go back to my lonely world and think about the sad past and the not so bright future........
* I used to look at guys, even the short ugly ones, and try to imagine a future with them, I'd think "if he likes me we can make it work" ....... but ever since I experienced my feeling of "dislike/ not like" towards #3 who is pretty good looking with good manners, I donnow what to think anymore!!!!
#1 I would like to thank him for telling me that I'm worth more thank I think. Eventhough I did not like him in "that way" I'm very glad that I went out with him. I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me if he had any feelings for me.
#2 At first I thought that I like him, but as we talked more and more I realized that he is someone who is very pesimistic and afraid of starting friendships with people. I think at this age he is tired of fooling around (not that he's old, he's only 23..but i guess he's had many experiences...) and maybe he's looking for "the one" too. Eventhogh I feel like now he doesn't mind hanging out with me, my "desperation" is gone and I don't think I can do it...... even if he tells me he likes me......it's so weird.....there's a stronggggggg , very very strong force that controls my feelings and ideas.......... it tells me when to start and when to stop....... or even if anything should start...... i have nooooo idea where it comes from ..... but......it's just kind of scrazy because there's no way I can fight it........
some people enter my heart and get kicked out......the others remain behind the door, knocking, trying to get in, after a while they give up and leave!
That would be #3, I'm glad I went out with him, just for the sake of continuing my "exploration" into the new world that I'd never been in before. For some weird reason, I did not like him from the verrrry begining, I have no idea why!! absolutely no idea. Maybe it's because, at the begining, he'd sent me an email saying that "I'm a shy guy and I would like to get to know u more" ....I donnow what it is about SHY people that makes me hate... well not hate but dislike them.......not even dislike......just NOT like them.....there we go :D .......anywayz..... eventhough he was very good at chatting, and had good manners in real life, was easy to talk to, that strong force kept him out of my heart. When we went out, while we were walking he asked me " are u happy that I gave u the PLEASURE of meeting me?", and that was just it!!! I have sooo much respect for myself that I can't allow someone like him to say things like that to me... eventhough he was joking .....I donnow what it is about him that makes him so very very verrrrrrry difficult to like....... I swear to god, he is such a nice person and he's very easy to talk to... there is no reason why I should not like him even 1 little bit.. but yet I feel like I don't like him AT ALL ........ this is going to remain as a mystery forever.......
he'd told me that he likes me A LOT, and he wants to see me again. At the same time he'd told me that I'm not good looking, but he loves my personality. And I do believe him. We'd stopped chatting, and a few days ago he came onine and asked me out again, I told him I like someone else....... he came online again saying that he just wants to be friends with him and nothing more. But I'm more than 100% sure that he really likes me a lot...this had been my plan...to tell #4 that I just want him as a friend.... LOL....... it's so funny because I feel like what #3 is feeling for me is exactly like the feeling that I have towards #4 ......and if #4 doesnt like me as I don't like #3 there is no point of us chatting... anywayz........ I've decided not to talk to #3 again, because I'm out of my "desperation" zone and dont even feel like having friends ..at all!
#4 is a dream....... he's exactly what I need in my life right now....... we went out once and I feel like I've changed so much since I met him, I have so much more respect for myself, and I've stopped looking at guys the way I did before* ...... now there have been only 3 guys since last week that I've looked at and thought "hmm, he's pretty good looking (L)" .... is 3 still a lot? well compared to what it was before (= most guys and even MEN in the street) I think I've improvedddd for sure! but even 3 is a lot :( ... one of my "co- workers" last week told me that there's no reason to start a relationship with someone who u think is less than perfect....because there WILL come a day when u will leave him for someone who's better than him... and eventhough I already knew that .. when she said it I ... BELIEVED it....... and I got scared...
anywayz.....being able to spend 4 hours with #4 without ever feeling awkward or bored ...was absolutely an accomplishment.... I wonder if everyone around him thinks he's as great as I think he is..... I wonder if all girls like him the way I like him.... does everyone think he's so great? does everyone want to become a better person after they meet him? I sure do! I've started reading newspapers, doing some excercises, making myself look better, etc.
I've told him that I like him, and i guess that's what he hears from many many people everyday. I wonder how many people fall in love with him everyday...and i guess he has no choice but to tell them that he can't fall in love with them after the first date..lol ....... his personality... he has the BEST personality.... I've met many people in my life but no one who is so great.... anywayz... as much as I want to go out with him again ( god only knows how muchh I want/wanted to) I'm just not going to..... he's alwayz saying that I can't come etc. .. no he doesnt say i cant come.... he does something worse....... ok ... I'll give u a full explanation of what he's done so far.......
1) after we met .......he sent me an email on that night saying "if u had a cellphone I'd call u right now, wake u from sleep and kiss u goodnight" ....... ok yes.......that's what he said...... and me........ I was like omg......maybe he really does like me.......and that's why I allowed myself to like him......
2) that's how I went crazy and sent him an e-mail telling him that I like him etc. and he said that it takes a lot more than a few dates for him to fall in love etc. .... now that i think about it I understand....... guys want girls to like them..... i mean why wouldn't they....... so they sometimes send "false signals" .......ok whatever
3) I sent him an e-mail saying that I'd like to hang out with him next week.... so I come home at night check my emails.. no replies...... go online... he is there.....me: "why didn't u reply"........ him:"reply to what? have u sent me an email".......me: "yes... don't u check ur email" ... thinking... ajab aadameh bi khiaali!!! .....him:" gimme a second .. i'm gonna check them now....!!!!"
...whatever!... then he's like "for sure we can go if u want......" ........i get happy......then he says "actually I'm probably gonna have 3 morning shifts and the other two days I can't come...bluh bluh bluh....." ..so I was happy when he'd said ok at first but then I was mad!!! ....... ( the reason why i had sent him an email asking him out shows how selfish i am!! i no that he might not even like me....... but i can learn soooooo much from him that i'm even willing to pay him to come out with me!! like seriously......)
right now I'm like whatever... i don even wanna talk to him again..... I did really reallyyyyyy want to see him again.. but he takes away so much of my energy by "zeddeh haaling" that I think the bad that will come out of this is a lot more than the + .........
ok that's it.....i'm done with my exploration of (L) / guys....... now i'm ready to (am I?) ...... go back to my lonely world and think about the sad past and the not so bright future........
* I used to look at guys, even the short ugly ones, and try to imagine a future with them, I'd think "if he likes me we can make it work" ....... but ever since I experienced my feeling of "dislike/ not like" towards #3 who is pretty good looking with good manners, I donnow what to think anymore!!!!
posted by TolooehFardaa at
10:19 AM
2 Comments:
Here are some links that I believe will be interested
Interesting website with a lot of resources and detailed explanations.
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