Are u thinking what I'm thinking?

What was that? Did u say No????! Shame on u......don't u know me enough to read my mind?

Oh now u are having second thoughts eh?

Hehe, don't even try to think what's on my head, I myself can't figure out where the *** these thoughts come from and I'm constantly getting surprised by them!

So let me tell u about what happened yesterday. I woke up at 7 in the morning and wrote my last "post". After that, I got up, had some breakfast, watched some tv, got ready and went shopping at 11. The first "change" that I noticed about myself = I was not looking around to see guys (persian guys) anymore, and even when I did see them I just looked away. This is a change, because in the past (not so long ago) I was alwayz looking at people and thinking what their personalities are like etc. In addition to that, the second "change" that drove me crazy for the rest of the day = me going into different stores thinking what I should wear the next time I see ***. I tell u why this is crazy >>> I already have LOTZ of clothes in my closet, but unfortunately all of them are kind of formal looking. Ever since I started working @ BR, I'd go shopping for clothes that would be "appropriate" to wear at work and now that I've met this guy I was thinking about something that would be "appropriate" to wear when we go out. Now, this is the sad part > I imagined myself in 1000 different clothings, but in the end nothing seemed to be good enough. In the end I was feeling like I'm a widow, trying to impress a highschool boy. Like seriously, that's exactly how I was feeling and .....it just wasn't a good feeling. I felt like I'm a complete fool for thinking that this is ever gonna work!

Anywayz, I baught two pair of pants and a few shirts from my favorite store, and after that I thought maybe I should buy something for him too. So I Did. And after I baught it I couldn't stop myself from laughing. ( I was like: "ok so what's next? a marriage proposal?") But then I was thinking that it's ok. U know? why not do what I feel like doing? I'm just experiencing something new and I should not limit myself to thinking, or feeling a certain way. I'm brave enough to let myself make mistakes, even if they are big mistakes, and learn from them. I won't do it next time in the future if this is not how "things work" in this world.

So yea, that's what happened, and I came home at 3:30, got ready and left at 4:15. I'd tried to dress as "proper" as possible because, in my story, he would have come to see me at work. But, of course, that was wishful thinking. I got off work and came home, checked my emails and logged on msn (he wasn't even online!!) .... so I was like, ok whatever...... then he came online at around 12:15 I think.....and told me to write him an essay about what I think about him and send it to him in less than an hour!!!...... as I was reading what I'd already wrote for him the morning before I fell sleep, woke up at 3:45 .......realized that I had not done what I'd told him I would do .... thought maybe I should not do it.....but on the other hand why shouldn't I ...... I don't mind if people figure out what goes on through my head... I have nothing to be ashamed of..... so I went back to sleep at 4:15 .......got up again at 6.... as I was thinking again about what I should write I fell sleep again!!! woke up at 8 anddd I've been writing this ever since (it's 9:30 now) ... manam bi kaaramaaa.... :D

we are supposed to go have breakfast at my sister's house sometime soon so I'd better go get ready... my next plan is to read the 2 persian novels I got from the library and stoppp thinking 'bout this guy ....... :) ...... I look forward to doing these books because my mom has read them and thinks they're both good.......

and......ummmmmm....that's it for today...... I'll write more here tomorrow.......ciao for now