Finding a way to escape...

There's something really important that I should think about ( my future =.. my career... my school...... and most important of all ....the biggest unknown = myself! ).... but on the other hand......there's something else that's not important at alll... which I would LIKE to think about...... u know what I mean?

well .. there is this guy..... he's nowhere near perfect..... I mean I donnow him at all... but I'd like to think of him as Mr. Perfect..... is that crazy or what?

oh ... and there was this other guy that I saw on the bus... I was in love with him for about two days... but now I'm finally over him .. haha

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sh*t.... I saw him on the bus again......I donnow what it is about him that's soooo likable.... he looks so innocent..... there's something in his eyes that makes me want to go and say hi to him..... why did he turn back and smile at me?

July. 5

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Desperate?

desperate for what? to run away from this......what did u call it again? insanity?

yes ......maybe......

I donnow..... I mean I guess so.....

I don't like to run away.....I'd much rather stay and fight...... but there is this other part of me that wants me to only think about things that could make my life more enjoyful.... I think it's because of the 4 monthes that I stayed at home studying + the 7 years that I spent thinking about the future while ignoring everything else that was going on around me in the present......

anywayz.....the important thing is that one PART of me ( the happy , live in the present and enjoy it one) is winning over the other part of me that wants to concentrate on the future..... and ......guess what? it's tearing me apart