What’s happening?

 The funny thing is that I have 0 clue

I am just out of energy to argue… I don’t even know what happened exactly and I don’t want to think about it. Ah dang, I remembered it lol

I am just glad that I can pause and be happy now that I have the opportunity… until Monday. A part of me wants to believe that there is a chance he will get a + answer… and I’m going to stick to that glimpse of hope until we get a proper update 

He is propbably sad and frustrated… but I am also tired of  feeling his feelings and my feelings… empathy and being empathetic is interesting to learn about but very very hard to action… and you don’t know how hard it is until you have to put yourself in those shoes for 2+ years of your life… almost non stop. I try not to blame myself but I know and we both know that this can’t be our life. Last year I thought I’d give it another year. But another year is over and I have run out of ideas… so I’m gonna take it one day at a time and hold on to that hope that comes and goes

Shokr gozaari

 Khodayaa: shokret

Ehsas mikonam in khabari ke emrooz montazeresh boodim yeh joorai sarneveshtemoono taeen mikoneh

Az taheh ghalbam doa mikonam ke javabesh mosbat bashe 

Ham delam barash misoozeh ham digeh hes mikonam ke intori na oon digeh mitoone injoori edameh bedeh na man

Do mordeyeh zendeh, man mordeyi shaad oon mordeyi ghamgin…

Beh omideh tolooeh farda ❤️

Mard e tanha

با صدای بی صدا
مثل یه کوه، بلند
مثل یه خواب، کوتاه
یه مرد بود، یه مرد
با دستای فقیر
با چشمای محروم
با پاهای خسته
یه مرد بود، یه مرد

شب با تابوت سیاه
نشست توی چشماش
خاموش شد ستاره
افتاد روی خاک
سایه اش هم نمی موند
هرگز پشت سرش
غمگین بود و خسته
تنهای تنها

با لب های تشنه
به عکس یه چشمه
نرسید تا ببینه
قطره، قطره، قطره آب، قطره آب
در شب بی طپش
این طرف، اون طرف
می افتاد تا بشنفه
صدا، صدا، صدای پا، صدای پا

Afkareh nik, pendaareh nik, goftaareh nik

 Aya in vaghean ramzeh zendegieh?

Chand rooz pish yeh workshop raftam keh takid rooyeh afkaaro, kerdaareh + bood va shebahatesh dad beh booyeh khoobo bad va inkeh booyeh khoob adamayeh + jazb mikoneh. Harfesh jaalebo beh yad mandani bood vali jadid nabood

In rooz ha bala o pain ziaad daram. Yeh soali ke javabi barash nadaram hessam nesbat beh kasai hast keh baardaaran. Bazi moghe ha azashoon farar mikonamo say mikonam khodamo tojih konam vali haghighat ineh ke baardaari paako moghaddaseh va nabayad hesseh manfi e behesh dasht chon gonaah dareh

Pas pish be sooyeh mosbat boodan va gah gaahi neghaabeh :) gozashtan va ahangeh neghabeh siavash ghomehshi goosh kardan va bahash boland avaz khoondan

Tavallod…

 Aug 8th

Ageh mimoondo be donya mioomad hashtom tavallodesh bood

Cheh hesseh gharibieh ke nist

Soorakhieh keh taa abad too ghalbam mimooneh o hichkas jaasho nemigireh

Geryeh nemikonam vali doost daram hamisheh baahaam baasheh… mesleh taa alan ke har rooz baham boodeh

Nemidoonam chera fekr mikonam ageh bood dokhtar boodo yeh pirhaneh saadeyeh sefid ba papion emrooz tanesh mikardam. Zehnam ejazeyeh tasavvoresho nemideh vali fekreh inkeh shayad yeh roozi vaghean betoonam bacheyeh khodamo lams konam koodakeh daroonamo zogh marg mikoneh…

Be still my beating heart
It would be better to be cool
It's not time to be open just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget

Tease

 I have a little bit of hope when . Is late by 1 day (according to my app predictions) :) but this month i wasn’t even tracking so i don’t even know where I am in the cycle. I refuse to test because it’s foolish although I secretly have hopes