Two sides of me

 Me: I’m not gonna think about it. It’s out of my control. Everything will work out. Everything happens for a reason. What you focus on expands. Take a deep breath and let go.

Me next second: googling things like crazy, reading about all the worst case scenarios and crying like there is no tomorrow!

To be transferred to my journal

 Today was the day to hear about the results

I was just trying not to think or worry about it too much

I am thankful to god that everything is mostly normal… but need to get some extra tests done to make sure the growth stays on track

I must admit that I feel a little nervous but I’m going to do my best to stay positive. I only have 19 more weeks on this journey and I want to try to enjoy it as much as possible 

 

Here we go

 I think there is a direct correlation between family interaction and our conflict. In fact, I don’t think… I know there is

He was actually amazing on Saturday in person… however there was tension all day before getting there and after…

And again today. It came out of nowhere! I was so shocked and am still shaken on the verge of crying every moment. I know what I did was not right though but I can’t help but feel sad about it. 

Sometimes the mood swings are really hurtful. I hadn’t experienced it in a while… I guess I wrote about it the last time it happened 

It just makes me feel really sad and I just don’t want to deal with it. The thing is that I know why it happened so logically it makes sense … and I know how he is so it even makes more sense. But sometimes I feel like I am no longer interested in dealing with his pain and his stress… but I am thankful that it’s temporary for the most part… and I do love him so there’s that…

My eyes and head are so heavy… good night

I will love you no matter what

  

I have full trust in “it”

Everything happens for a reason

Just be healthy my little delicious lime

If thoughts of specificities have crossed my mind, it’s only because of my insecurities and has nothing to do with you

Hope I am feeding you all that you need to be the best that you can be

Love you and your little legs in an indescribable way 

I love you 

We love you

So much

See things as they are…

 Honeymoon is over

I was shocked and speechless at how nice and understanding he has been since the day

Today everything changed and I saw the version that scares me

And now I am crying 

And I feel foolish 

Oh and I’m sick

I’m speechless

 Literally speechless

Can’t help but be scared a little… or a lot

Now I have to find a way to tell him

A moment longer…

 Give me a moment longer to dream

To be happy

To let my imagination think of the forbidden thoughts 

And let the butterflies in my stomach come back to life

Even if it’s just for a moment

I will let it be

As hard as it might be

Because who knows

Dreams might become reality

At least that’s how I choose to think

So I will resist the urge to test

So that I can be happy

Even if it’s for just a few moments longer

❤️